Yes, that’s right. You read that correctly. I’m gonna look at the Star Wars Black Series Porgs 2-pack and you can’t stop me. In fact, I already have. This is a direct calling out of anyone with a time machine. Want to stop me? Get your chronal devices ready, nerds. Let’s finally get excited about a blatant attempt to appeal to children. I mean, besides the spaceships, space wizards, laser guns and other sci-fi staples.
Even as a child, I hated the Ewoks. More so when I learned, as an adult, that Endor was supposed to be the homeworld of the Wookies, Kashyyyk. We eventually saw it in Revenge of the Sith, but that cannot force my righteous anger into a cage of your preconceived notions, maaaaaan. I also disliked Jar Jar, and the droid assembly line in Attack of the Clones. Why? Because it looked like someone said, “Hey George, we need to make a video game for this. Have any level ideas?”
At least Lucas had the sense to make Jar Jar the one who signs off on forming the Evil Empire. Granted, it wasn’t called the “Evil” Empire, but even if it was, I think Jar Jar would have signed off on it. There was never any redemption for the droid assembly line. Instead, we got 20 minutes of bad C3PO jokes.
However, no one is confronting the real issue here: Rampant aardvark sexual abuse. You’ve never heard of it? It’s because its such a large issue, your government is covering it up. Stay woke.
Back to Porgs…
What’s in the Star Wars Black Series Porgs box?
Sure, I knew they were small. Perhaps slight mischevious. Mimicking? This description sounds like every person I’ve avoided for the last four decades. You’re tiny, like messing with stuff AND you mock me? I wonder how far my foot fits up your Porg exhaust pipe? Seriously though, the Porgs were Star Wars’ first attempt at forcing cuteness into a story that worked for me. I found them amusing in The Last Jedi. Probably in no small part due to them not really playing a pivotal role. Had Snoke been killed because he was so distracted by the cuteness of a Porg, that would have annoyed me. Instead, these guys laid back, knew their role and filled it swimmingly.
In the box, there is not a lot. You get two Black Series Porgs.
What doesn’t work with the Star Wars Black Series Porgs?
Only one of them has articulated wings. Honestly, I didn’t expect either to be anything more than an attractive, thumb-sized chunk of plastic. Then I saw one had movable wings and I immediately decided the other one not having it was the end of my life.
I recovered pretty quickly, but those 36 seconds were pretty powerful for me.
What works with the Star Wars Black Series Porgs?
The paint apps and sculpts on the Star Wars Black Series Porgs are really nice. I like that both have different facial expressions. In general, they were an $8 investment for me that brought a tiny sliver of happiness into my life.
Should you pick up the Star Wars Black Series Porgs?
Yes! Minimal investment and for your troubles, you can spice up your Last Jedi dioramas. If you have the OLDBOY Porg from the General Leia repaint, all the better. Go pick up your Star Wars Black Series Porgs here:
If you’re interested in the Figuarts Rey in the pictures below, I already did an article on her. Now, how ’bout dem Porgs tho?