It seems like I am getting another plastic wish. Back in the Hydra piece, I lamented on how great it would be to have these army builders available at a reduced price. We still aren’t at the “never out of stock” portion of that dream, but… maybe one day they’ll understand the money machine behind my wish.
Now if we can get them on board with their Star Wars license. It is so dumb for Hasbro execs to see people spending $40 apiece for an army builder, and that money, ZERO of it, is going to them.
Ugh!
Back on topic. I was asking my girlfriend about some of the pics for this Hellfire Club Guard article. She literally started laughing outloud.
Not being a comic reader (she enjoys the movies and will listen to my 411 on topics she asks me about with genuine interest), she told me, “they look ridiculous.”
As I lamented on how little of my life was worth living, it did dawn on me… the Hellfire Club Guards are kind of the regular rent a cop dudes. Maybe they couldn’t get bonded and work at a real security company… for whatever reason. Excessive violence…. some Harvey Keitel car shenanigans ala The Bad Lieutenant perhaps.
I mean… AIM…. those dudes are aggressively into science. Hydra has always been Marvels thinly veiled version of white supremacy. So you gotta believe those dudes are totally into it for the message. You don’t sign up for that if you’re just trying to feed your family.
If you’re not willing to kill for Newton’s First Law, AIM isn’t a good fit. No real military career or morals leaves out SHIELD or SWORD as an option.
Where do you wind up?
Working for the Hellfire Club.
What do they even do? At best, plot for world domination in their own names.
Their own names.
If you signed up for a 401K and benefits, you aren’t getting a slice of that Big World D pie.
At worst, they plot to maneuver things from behind the scene. Imagine how boring that is? Because again… The Inner Circle isn’t doing the paperwork. The White Bishop won’t be stealing Magneto’s newspaper and spraypainting “Humans rule, mutants drool” on the Mags-Mobile.
No no, my friend. That would be the guy whose kid decided to play trombone after he tossed your fish tank through your big screen TV. That lucky fella will have the job of slashing the tires on Xavier’s Blackbird.
Sure, they don’t really have a place to stow their guns, and in my girlfriend’s defense, they are wearing onsies.
However, when I was nine, those faceless masked heads scared the crap out of me. Who wasn’t excited for this cover when they were young? Wolverine was about to throw down on the onsie wearing dude’s who just managed to overpower the X-Men.
(Here’s a rundown of that issue, my young mind was like “WHAAAT!?!?!”)
I did some internettin’ and was today’s years old when I realized that the Hellfire Club was a real club in the 18th century that may have had ties to dark magic. So there is that. I don’t remember the last time I saw the Hellfire Club in the comics (more a testament to how far behind I am as opposed to the status of the Hellfire Club). If you’re interested, go take a look at their info and come back here so we can get started.
What’s in the Marvel Legends Hellfire Club Guard Box?
Three things, four counting the bag. That’s the point of these low cost army builders. Personally, I love the boxes these dudes come in.
Here’s what we get: a figure, a pistol, and a rifle. Don’t believe me? Take a look…
The headsculpt and other details are about what you’d expect them to be on the figure. It wasn’t like the comic panels show a more elaborate goon. Or where they keep their guns.
Close up of non-discernible facial features 
What doesn’t work with the Marvel Legends Hellfire Club Guard figure?
The paint apps are a bit splotchy in places, but certainly not worth complaining about. That would defeat the purpose of this existing. It’s cheap and comes in and out of stock on Hasbro Pulse.
What works with the Marvel Legends Hellfire Club Guard?
For the same reason there is nothing to list in the negativity, there isn’t a lot in the positive. Cost, a boring, but well executed articulation scheme, and two weapons. Also, the cost.
Should you purchase the Marvel Legends Hellfire Club Guard?
I can only think of two reasons why you wouldn’t:
- You hate army building
- You hate me
There is no middle ground. Because we need to encourage more of this behavior. Even if you already bought yours, the collector that starts collecting this Christmas should have access to build the same armies without getting scalped to high heaven. If he’s in stock, you can grab him here. If not, the aftermarket is always available, but that defeats the purpose.
Here are a few more pics, as always, for your enjoyment! Thank you, folks.
GET HIM! *BAMF!* Hallo, Freunde! 
